a love letter to my girls.

I have two little girls.

They are the lights of my life. One is my heart, the other is my soul.

This is my promise. To them. A promise to myself, but really - a promise to them.


I promise to always tell you nine million times a day that I love you. I promise to kiss you over and over. I promise to hug you when we're happy, hug you when we're sad, and hug-it-out when we're mad. I promise to sweep the hair out of your eyes. I promise to whisper sweet things in your ear when we're snuggling. I promise to read to you all the time. I promise to help you brush your teeth every morning and every night, and hold us to that darn timer from the dentist that seems to last forever. I promise to do projects with you, like baking cupcakes or bread, or making holiday cards with lots and lots of glitter and stickers. I promise to let you sit in my lap anytime you want. I promise to make forts with you. I promise to help you learn from your mistakes. I promise to take you for walks all the time, so we can look for puppies, feel the breeze, and count the airplanes. I promise to dance with you, especially to our favorite songs. I promise to listen to Aladdin and Jasmine sing "A Whole New World" over and over again in the car. I promise to take a million pictures of you for memory's sake, but respect when you say you've had enough of the camera. I promise to get excited over little things with you. I promise to let you use my "lip gloss" (really, it's chapstick) anytime you want. I promise to sing with you.

I promise to give you space when you need it. I promise to not hover and micromanage you. I promise to trust you. I promise to believe in you. I promise to forgive you. I promise to not judge you. I promise to tell you how proud I am of you, all the time. I promise to notice, appreciate, and treasure the little things. I promise to be patient with you. I promise to be calm. I promise to be positive. I promise to set a good example, especially when I am frustrated with someone or a situation. I promise to not be crabby under my breath. I promise to exude love, forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, and honesty. I promise to teach you how to love yourself. I promise to praise your efforts more than your achievements. I promise to help you believe in yourself. I promise to give you space to be the person you want to be, and respect when you make decisions that differ from my point-of-view or opinion.

I promise to love you. Always. No matter what. Because you are the lights of my life, my heart and soul.

Divorcing Friends

Divorcing friends. Not a fun process, in my opinion. Often necessary, but even still, never without a second thought or a couple of regrets.

My best friend, attached-at-the-hip, soul sister friend and I separated a little over seven years ago. Seven years. It sounds like an eternity. But she still crosses my mind way more frequently than I like to admit. Did I do the right thing in walking away? She was a bad influence and liked to turn happy hour into happy night way more frequently than was necessary. She judged me in a harsher way than is ever necessary or called for…and didn’t do it out of love or friendship. I walked away. I know for a fact that if I had stayed with her and her partying ways, I would not have dated my now-husband, married him, and had two beautiful girls. I would still be doing the single thing. She hurt me so badly: my pride, my self worth, my confidence. I needed to assert myself and cut ties with her. I needed to be true to myself and respect myself and love myself.

I am a better person without her.

I repeat: I am a better person without her.

I expanded my friendship circle when we parted ways. I figured out exactly what I need in a friend. I learned to value and appreciate my friendships more. I like to think that I gained more self confidence when we parted ways, but I secretly don’t know if I did. The quiet voice inside me all too often asks, “Are you sure? Are you sure you should have done what you did? What if you were still best friends with her? Would you be happier?” Damnit. Go away quiet voice. Stop making me second-guess myself.

I treasure my life with Niko, Bear, and Lambie. I treasure my beautiful, wonderful friends and our healthy friendships. I am grateful for the self-awareness I have acquired.

But part of me will always miss that friend.