where am i going?

I work at a school with challenging demograhics. The students have tough lives. The students themselves are tough. They are up against some serious odds, just to make it from day-to-day.

And then here I am. Their teacher. I have stated my argument time and again, to myself, to my husband, to my mom. I am providing them with stability. I am part of a safe environment that they can come to every day. I am a compassionate person who they interact with every day. I am teaching them something academic, helping to guide them to a path of learning. I am hopefully pointing them in the "right direction" in their young lives.

But who am I kidding? I just don't buy it anymore. I can't make myself believe it anymore, because that's what I have been doing for a few years now: actually making myself - forcing myself - to believe the aforementioned argument.

The truth is, I feel like I am doing NOTHING to reach out and truly touch these kids. Instead, I am just a pain-in-the-you-know-what teacher who is forcing them to try to learn something and then doling out homework that I know they don't have the time, energy, or motivation to complete. Then they earn poor grades in my class (among others) and thus I contribute to a high fail rate and, in my opinion, a low academic self-esteem that is too common at my school.

I want to touch them. I want to learn more about each and every one of them. I want to sit down with them, hear their story, and then HELP THEM. I want to help them. I want to be part of a program that offers emotional support to these incredible teenagers who are up against so many odds. I want to help them find and locate community resources that will help them lead better lives - like food shelves, free medical care, night classes for their parents to learn English, child care options for younger siblings. I want to help them. I don't want to teach them anymore. I want to be a support system for them in an entirely different way.

But how do I do that?

I need to leave teaching. I need to. BUT WHERE DO I GO?