how i became a yogi

When Lambie entered the picture, life reached a whole new level of intensity. I found myself consumed with mommy thoughts, mommy concerns, mommy worries, and mommy doubts. I found myself to be a very crabby wife – very crabby. I found myself to be a very critical, snappy, tense version of myself. Something had to give.

And so I found yoga.

My safe haven. My refuge. My sanctuary.

It's where I go when I need to just be with myself and not be responsible for anyone else.

I go, with my purple mat in hand, and though I am nowhere near graceful or fluent in my motions, I am grateful for every.single.minute. of peace and calmness that is granted to me. I breathe deep, pure breaths. I inhale. I exhale. I force myself to clear my mind. Sadly, I must admit that it usually takes about half a class for me to get to the “clear mind” point. But I get there. I then usually struggle to stay there, but I persist. I make myself focus on my breath. I stretch my back tall. I open my heart to the world. I leave my worries on the floor of the yoga center. I vow to leave worries behind and to be calmer and more at peace. I diligently make these resolutions because I have to. I need to. I need to have a goal in mind.

But what if I don’t get there? Like ever? What if I always remain this tense, anxious, critical person? What an awful description. I need to move far away from that reality. I need to open my heart, open my mind, go-with-the-flow, choose my battles, breathe deep breaths, stay calm, and believe.

That’s a tall order.

I need a mantra. Something short and concise. Or maybe a quote. Something to remind me to do all of those things I just rattled off, but not sound so intimidating. I love quotes, and am always reading them, looking them up, writing a few down…but I am yet to find one that completely encompasses everything I must remember to do in order to be the person I strive to be. Or the one that reminds me to just relax, enjoy the little moments, leave worries behind, and love myself harder.

I can see myself moving in a positive direction, inch by inch, day by day. Some days I slip backwards a bit (or a lot) but I pick myself up and make myself move forward. Love myself, and take time for myself. Yoga or an ocassional shopping trip...when I need to take a break from it all and just focus on me.